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The hesitation came again. I was worried about the end of the relationship later. If it ends up just ending up in the word 'broken heart', I guess the relationship is just a waste of time. While I was too deep to fall in him.

You left her. When he needs you, you run. And you're still running. Do not you think it's time you stopped running and fighting for her?

Waking up from sleep this time still carries wounds Time seems to really need me now to heal all the sick And time also I need to accept the fact that in the next cycle of the sun and moon, you are no longer in my day.

Where the sun you promised? Until now, there are only clouds hanging there. Where's the light? Why briefly illuminated? The light of yesterday was not the sun. That's the light. Fake artificial attacker. No wonder it's so fast. See! The overcast you create becomes rain. Why don't you pay for me again? Why did you let me be dampened with rain again? You're not a stranger. You know I'm always sick in the rain. But why did you let your rain hurt me? Why don't you take care of my pain? Why don't you want to be medicine anymore? Why do not you want to be my healer again? I know, my fault that caused your cloudy clumps there. But is there no rest sorry for me? Just a little. Please stand your rain, endure hurt me. Can not you see, I've had too many injuries. Drink a little of my wounds first. Please heal a little pain. Lest I die.

The hesitation came again. I was worried about the end of the relationship later. If it ends up just ending up in the word 'broken heart', I guess the relationship is just a waste of time. While I was too deep to fall in him.

Perhaps my most real part for you is to wait. Waiting for you to hurt because of her then you ask me to be a healer, then you run after her until she gets hurt and fall again. And there I was invited back to just take care of your wound until healed and then you leave again running towards her. That's the next cycle of relationship about me who is always waiting for you realize that actually there I am here who willing to heal you even though for that I have to hold my own pain. Then, who healed me? Then, I wait again, waiting for you to heal once

Either where this feeling should be my place. I'm floating between the longing and the great disappointment. I want to talk, I want you to know about my longing and my wounds. But the word seemed to vanish. I'm like someone who can't say. Every sentence I've worked hard in my heart, I swallow again. Bitter taste, if you know I secretly always call your name in prayer and I feel a strange vibration in my chest every name is read, voiced or not. A kind of fun but interfered with a peculiar sense of unfamiliarity. I don't know what kind of strange feelings it is.

We meet in a state of mutual injury. We chatted, both laughed, had a moment of happiness. Before then you go back to her and be happy; while I already fall in love then then back hurt.

I think it's time I let you go. And that's very difficult to do because some of me will fall in love with you for the rest of my life. But daydreaming, walking in place, not healthy, so, here I am. This is what I should have done in the past months: saying goodbye.

Sometimes, when we realize it or not, we are too happy to pursue the desired, until blinded which is really needed. However, it is not wrong. Otherwise, we will never feel the wound and we do not know as to cure a 'medicine'. If we are never wrong, we will not be able to meet the right person. #BackToYou

From every teardrop that floods every prayer, from every strange word that comes out of this lips, from the millions of beautiful memories. I've written, from the millions of miles of road we have traveled, from my patience awaits you in the silence of the night, why those sharp words can it come out wildly from your lips? But maybe ending is the best way.

About the departure of someone. Isn't it frightening that no matter how many promises they make, no matter how long you have been together, someone can wake up and walk out of your life in seconds and you have to keep on living because the world does not stop for any of us.

Never disparaging my hunch and don't try to save things that are likely to hurt. Because even if you kept everything, I would know. If you think I will not find a way to know, you're wrong! I'm practically a psychic with no talent. But never underestimate one's weak talents. It could be a weapon of strength to fight the hurt.

The love you wake up in my heart Slowly you down it yourself.  Falling tears for each puck. Satisfied my tears in the ruins of that ruins. You have built it and you are the one who deserves it. I have no right to forbid you to take what is yours.

She was too quiet, or she was too loud. She took things too seriously, or not seriously at all. She was too sensitive, or too cold-hearted. She hated with every fiber of her being, or loved with every either all or nothing. She wanted everything but settled for nothing.

About the departure of someone. Is not it frightening that no matter how many promises they make, no matter how long you have been together, someone can wake up and walk out of your life in seconds and you have to keep on living because the world does not stop for any of us.

Look at my eyes What do you see? It's dark there There is no light there, no one shines I look but like blind Black. Just black No color Look at it again You can see? It's overcast Always a down rain Wear your umbrella! Protect yourself Do not force rain if you do not want to get wet! Look at my heart What do you see? Wounds There was a wound there Nearly healed but wounded again, deep wounds Got heart but no taste I only know sick Look at me What do you see? I breathe, my heart beats My body moves But without life

When the supernatural feeling of a form of love comes by itself and you let it in to fill your chest cavity, then do not be blamed if one day you might feel the pain of being left behind the love. Try thinking in a slightly different way, try to look at situations from all sides. That, if the thing you just let go in, then you should be able to let it go as well. Letting that love go doesn't always mean you don't want to keep it. If love is really for you, He will not leave. Think of it as simple. So why should you bother to waste your time, drain your energy with efforts that you already know will not work out anything because love does indeed intend to leave. If you already know that, you should occupy yourself by treating yourself hurt by doing things that will make you happy again. Never remove that smile from your face just because the love is leaving you. Your smile and spirit are too valuable to be exchanged for the love that only comes to greet you to hurt you. And...

Sometimes there is a feeling of the heart that compels me Forcing me to cry I felt tremendous sadness when the feeling came I don't know what Can you change it? Turning it into a happy feeling If you can, Can you again set all that joy in my life So that no more tears come out So that I no longer grieve Can you spin time? Returns when I feel happiness Can you stop the time? Stop when I'm happy

Fall It’s hurt But I’m uied to feel the pain And is also very used to fall But one thing I ever had to be pround of I always knew how to stand up again I always knew how to run anymore But my fell down this time is different It’s like the rest of my body paralyzed I’m confused and ran out the way to stand I forgot how to start up again I was intoxicated with one thought that; Only as strong as anything a person if they’re doing will surely feel tired and they will surely stop at one point. Want some or not. Because it’s been having someone who is tired of is taking a rest So I decided I fell down this time not to stand up again Because I’m tired of being started from scratch I’m tired of having to run over and over again from the same place Then I fell down this time for the last time I will never be able to rise again

The black clouds covered my sun The thickness is proudly uprooted up there The clouds store so much pain and one day it will surely spill Wetting every crevice of the earth and even the worst, it can flood and drown Horrified ... Just a clump of gray cloud alone can be deadly No sunlight when it rains So how can water evaporate? The water was stagnant and piled up. Enter and fill the chest cavity. Closed Run out of air The lungs are not used to inhale water So how to live if the whole earth is covered with rain water due to the gray. Then where is the sun? Didn't the rain have subsided? Who is responsible for vaporizing water? When the cloud faded away When the grains of water were gone Only then can sunlight enter It was too late There are already victims Same with the delay of the sun that appears The waters too slowly It was as if nothing had moved, yet magically the sun's heat lifted the waters back up into the sky and formed a new gray lump. Thi...

How can I fly again? My wings are yours And I'm not determined to take it back Keep it as a memento for you from me I don't want to fly anymore I don't want to find a new world Just let me get stuck If my wings no longer need you Don't return it to me Just throw it away And use your wings to fly Don't stop there Don't stop in my heart again

You might think if something bad happens, it can be dealt with magically, or so it should be because you said so. You do not want to open your eyes and see that sometimes, what's in front of you is completely irreparable.

How sweet rain this month. The rain is able to restore the memory of our moments as it descends. When the rain first leads us to the meeting on the tenth day of the second month of last year. The rain also gives us sweet memories on the dark and cold roadside. And the rain that blocks our journey to one of the most beautiful places I've ever been with you on the fifteenth of the third month, the rain gives us a chance to be together for the day. The first time I was able to feel warm and cold at the same time. The rain also faded the yellow sun on the twelfth day of April when I became your friend out of town for work. Amazingly rainy, always give a different story every time he goes down. Always able to cool, always able to reduce the longing without being responsible. The rain only floods me with our moments and he succeeds in drowning me in a feeling of longing, but more than that. The rain is always sweet. I always love it.

Where are you flying? Don't! Don't go all the way I hate solitude I hate away from you Should I break your wings? So you stay here, stay with me How to deliver a message That I do not want you to leave Like what I should have embraced So you feel that I'm very afraid of losing you Make me load Take me to fly

As time passes, you will see my reality. You may realize that, I am the one who will never let you fall, I will be the most obedient person. I will be the only one who can make you happy. I will be your only place to go home. I will always be a listener for you. I'll make sure I'm the one person you'll always miss. I keep asking God, to bless our relationship. I will never stop praying for your health and happiness. You're the only one I'm headed. You're the only person who always wants me to hug. I never stop missing you. There was not a crack in my heart. You're the only filler. Your shoulders are the only place that is comfortable for me to lean on and the only safest place for me is just you. Never stop loving me as I promise, no matter how late we end up, I will be the only one who always loves you, under any circumstances.

I can still see there is some doubt about you, whether it's about what. But you must know, I will never make a mistake anymore, I will never hurt you again. You're too valuable to be hurt. And I, no longer want to be the one who hurt you so deeply. I know, I have a mistake, I apologize you. I'm really begging for it. Forgiveness already? In any case, all my mistakes must be redeemed. I don't want any scars left in your heart. I did hurt myself but I also had to heal. I'll get rid of the scars. I will be your healer. I will remove the doubt. I can!

Change. It's the only thing that will not change in this world. There's always a change in everything, whether it's positive or otherwise. And nobody can deny that everyone will want to change and that's for the better, whatever it is. But of course there are various things that can inhibit or facilitate change. And those things can come from anywhere, can be anything. Now, depending on yourself how to respond to these things so that change goes according to will. There will always be a sacrifice in every change, it can not be denied. There are various impacts to be had. But one thing, never close your eyes and deafen your hearing. Check out what people say about your changes because they are the only observers and assessors to what extent they have gone.

Again, I'm wrong again. Too cowardly to admit and too lousy to say "never leave me". Peppered with a bit of anger and heartache I've dared to deceive myself, trying to leave it alone and try to be alone again. But in fact, my heart is rebelling. I cursed myself again who tried to let her away when I knew I never wanted her to stay. Forgive me again?

So are we supposed to end? Keeping in mind everything we've ever walked together. Not that I'm getting sad, it's just that all the memories always appear uninvited. It's not that I do not want to remember, it's just that anything in it involved you, the feeling inside your chest is moving and aching. Of course it hurts. You're so deep inside and gone off, leaving behind the memories of togetherness and a few closing words that I never expected it out of your mouth. Cry? No, my tears are frozen, all frozen since you went I freeze all the things about you including all the wounds, because that's the only thing left of you who still want to always hug me.

What should be done when you're at the most boring point of your life? Should complain to someone? Or write a few sentences on a paper? I don't know, whichever way it always can never satisfy themselves. Though he had told me hours without stopping, or had written thousands of words, still the boredom remained. Is it true that boredom? If so, why when I've revealed that boredom there is still a sense of dissatisfaction within?

Write. If you feel you are in a very difficult problem and you feel that no one can understand, no one can listen, write your complaints. Pour out everything, as much as you, as much as you can. If in writing you cry, don't hold it. No one can see, just cry, spend your tears. Finish your writing. Then read it again. Respond again. Are you relieved ? Your problem will never go away even if you write on thousands of papers. But at least, things like that will slightly reduce the burden of your heart. At least, you have media to share the burden even if the media is dead. But get yourself to the media. Make it your world. A world where you can express all you want. A world where you can be free. No restrictions, no shame. You can be yourself, as natural as possible in your world.

I stood in front of them with my violence, as strong as it was just a weakness I imposed. Raising and educating myself, showing it to them as if I were right, without ever knowing I was trying to convince myself again above doubt. Reveals my cherry. Laughter, the only cover I actually swear. Swearing the storyline. When I really feel sad, a sweet smile is the best way to cover up. Shouting loudly "spirit!" which is different. Covering anxiety by pretending to always be calm in every atmosphere. Looking around for a backrest, but the end is always, I have to embrace myself in tears. Now, change. Not!! Help me change. With him who comes looking into my eyes and knows, In fact I'm not alive. Got to know my tears as I covered them with laughter. Heard my shout when I just silent. Grabbed my hand and helped me up, asked me to walk again. who managed to turn doubts into convictions. Embracing me, wiping my tears, leaning my head against his shoulders, Hug me an...

I Caught in a space Lost in the dark Do not know the future Do not know life Do not know tomorrow Breathe in the dark Ticked in rigidity Alone. Lonely Drowned in the corner of life Can not swim Out of breath Out of time I'm dead, almost dead You It comes without me ever thinking Sent from God without me ever asking Drown yourself Grabbed me and introduced me again to the wind Reminds me of life Introduce me to the sun. The promise of my tomorrow will never be dark again Introduce me on the night. That promises he will always be black Introducing me on time. The promise will never pass itself Introduce me to life. What I promised For someone who is a rainbow Which introduces me color Which introduces me to taste Who introduced me to something I often mention with; Happy Keep promising tomorrow for me Keep me breathing Stay here, keep this live Don't stamp in time Because until the time was no longer known any You, will always be there The p...

Finally I felt a boredom. From time to time I am in demand to act as a human being who must be able to make everyone happy. I can not run away, even I still cry in a low voice.

Until   this morning ,  I   still   can't   sleep. My mind   can't be   quiet .  My eyes   were not   too   tired   awake . My mind is   preoccupied   with   thoughts   about   a   thirst for   affection. Every time I   close my eyes ,  always   longing   tortured .  Longing   that leads to   someone   that even I   don't   know who .    Makes   me   feel   hurt   and   crying   again .  Here , no  single person .  That   can   lighten   the load   a little   thought. Honestly ,  I couldn't   face   it   alone . Lord, give me   someone   who understands   my situation   at all ,  someone   who   is always there for me ,  someone   who   will   pay attention to   me ,  someone ...

The rain swept across my tracks Mislead me in the chaotic feeling I groaned sickly Trying to survive with broken hearts that start to freeze Looking for a speck of light in the darkness of my life So God gave me a little spirit So I keep smiling Behind his moody sky It's covered in an orange sky I complained about my heart Wishing the twilight wind to caress and calm me down As the tears begin to drip I tried to dance Entertain yourself a lonely heart With the void of life I painted my dreams above my sadness And hope There will be an angel of the Lord who picks me up Takes me flying away from the cracks of my life and heart, In this city.

If I could, I did not want to sleep, afraid the dream came again. The dream hurt me. It was the dream that made me fly high, but that dream also threw me back to earth as I began to enjoy the wind that ignited me in my imagination. It was the dream that spawned and blossomed the flower in my heart, but it was also the dream that made the flowers die when I started wanting to smell the soft scent. The dream was too much fun with me. When I smile happy to see the dream figure in my sleep, but when I awoke my smile suddenly turned into tears because I realized the figure was just a dream. I cry. Crying my beliefs that too force the dream into reality. Though obviously, it is impossible. It was just a dream! which will be real in my sleep and will be an illusion when I wake up.

The scratch of an inner wound. Until now still hurt the pain. Everyone remembered the bitter memories. Tears I can't bear, fall and wet my torn heart from the wound, I feel the pain. Sometimes I think, why happiness only comes a moment in my life. I always feel lonely despite being in the middle of the crowd. My life is hollow, empty, bleak, boring. Sometimes it occurred to me to do something that made me sick. Self-injure. Making external wounds. Scratching sharp objects in my arms for pain in my heart to move into the wound I made, and will disappear, falling along with the droplets of blood flowing out of my body. Things like that can make me forget for a moment his emotional pain and pain. Sometimes, in solitude, I cry in silence. But when the tears began to harden, I stopped forcing the crying. Let my wounds and all these torments be buried. I stacked into one. I do not want those who hurt me know if I'm weak and vulnerable. I want to stay upright and keep smili...

I hate this kind of situation The circumstances in which I had to fight alone faced the anxiety and loneliness of my life I hate this kind of situation The circumstance in which I had to put my entire disappointment on a single sheet of paper that I would only use to write my heart, I hate this kind of situation The circumstances in which I share this sadness with a lifeless doll, who can only sit quietly looking at me, unable to speak. Mute. Die I hate this kind of situation That's where there's no shoulder I can borrow for a moment when I'm tired and crying I hate this kind of situation The circumstances in which I whimpered the pain of longing for the perfect life, with them beside me.

I do not want to go home if I meet later is a disappointment. Because thousands of my measured steps are packed with hundreds of thousands more hope. The hope is simple, I go home later just want to meet and be happy. Don't tell me long how happy it is, it seems everyone has understood with that word. If anyone does not understand, that's you. Because a thousand seconds before this I've explained to you even I've shown how happy it is. If you also can't see, simple. You take a mirror and face it to yourself. That's happy for me. Bandung, September 16, 2017 13:48